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All at once, my eyes grow wide, my lungs seize up, and my throat constricts on reflex. I feel the point of impact throb with startling intensity, the roaring pain spreading like wildfire to the surrounding tissue in a never-ending rippling effect. The nerves in my left butt cheek go into overdrive mode, their synapses firing and screaming their protest, telling my brain and the rest of my body that I’m in pain. But I also realize that the pain is laced with something else. Something more…sensual. I can almost… 阅读更多

I hear more rustling and plastic tearing, and then I feel his hand tug firmly at the collar of my shirt, pulling on it slightly. My body seizes involuntarily as the shirt gives way under his actions, exposing the very top of my breasts. My reflexes make me want to shield myself with my hands, but before I can follow through and react, he pushes the second thermometer into my left armpit. “Don’t let it fall,” he says, and my heart almost bursts inside my chest at how commanding he… 阅读更多

I observe him incredulously for several seconds, sheer disbelief smearing itself across my otherwise stiffened face. I can’t believe he just said what he said. For a split second, I’m almost—almost—convinced that my eardrums are playing tricks on me. As if on cue, the words reverberate in my head, his voice resounding in my ears with remarkable clarity, as if he’s actually repeating them out loud. “If I was going to fuck you today, believe me, it would have already happened. Twice.” Dear. God. In. Heaven. Join us or log… 阅读更多

Several seconds pass, although in that moment, time actually feels like it’s standing perfectly still—as does everything else. I can only stare at Frost with what I’m positive is the most extra-confused, extra-shocked expression that has ever found its way onto anyone’s face in the history of time and existence. I can almost feel my forehead scrunching itself into a million tiny furrows as my eyes stretch themselves as wide as they can behind my glasses. It’s several more seconds before I can say anything, and even then, all I… 阅读更多

My eyes are reluctantly still on the ring when he speaks again, forcing me to remember its loaded and incredibly sobering implication. “Like I said before,” he says, his eyes still on the form as his voice temporarily distracts me from the taste of bile in my throat and the wave of guilt now washing over my soul, “we can either go with the endoscopy or do an abdominal ultrasound. Or…,” he continues as his eyes move to meet mine again, “we can do an endoscopic ultrasound; a merger of… 阅读更多

Yeah. No panties for Ramona. At least not for today, anyway. Unfortunately for me, my current, super messed up state of mind has been a direct reflection of my life, and that especially includes my domestic life. So that means, aside from a sink full of dirty dishes, a carpet that hasn’t been vacuumed in only God knows how long, and two and a half trash bags of recycling that still haven’t been taken out, I have piles and piles of undone laundry that can’t even fit into my hamper… 阅读更多

The sound of warm, ventilated air breaks the monotony of the eerie silence surrounding me, the gentle yet steady flow a huge relief from the frigid hell I had to endure outside not too long ago. I happily welcome the tiny blast of heat spreading over and seeping into my skin, thawing my stiff, nearly icicled limbs back into feeling what normal human arms and legs are supposed to feel like, but unfortunately, that’s the only thing I feel relieved about right now. The quiet humming of the heater in… 阅读更多

Day 30   I can now say, with all the certainty in the world and more, that I have officially lost my fucking mind. I am, without a sliver of a doubt, completely and utterly insane. I’m sitting at a very familiar desk, unable to remove the large chunks of mush from my brain as I stare at a very familiar folder casually laying in front of me. I’m trying really hard not to show it, but I’m trembling almost viciously in my seat, struggling to breathe normally as icy… 阅读更多

Day 29   My eyes are glued to the clock on my night stand.  It’s 11:40 PM, and my brain reluctantly registers the implication of the time.  In twenty short minutes, it will be the beginning of the last day before Frost’s “offer” is completely off the table. I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by. Twenty-nine full days, and they’ve all snuck away from me like nothing, even though each and every single one of them has been busy and hectic and miserable as hell. I tear… 阅读更多

Day 26   I smell puke. To be more accurate, I smell puke, gin, cigarettes, and more puke. There’s a guy passed out at the bar next to me, and I’ve been trying to wake him up for the last fifteen or so minutes to no avail. Last call was half an hour ago, and this son of a bitch is still passed out on the bar counter, snoring away under a puddle of his own vomit like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Typical Friday night at… 阅读更多